morning post

This is seriously depressing.

I don’t know but I feel that I’m losing touch with my friends.

One by one.

I’m sorry if I’m not the type that goes out all the time.

Too bad if I can’t talk on the phone much right now. I am banned from calling too much.

I’m sorry even if it’s your house that I can’t go to.

I’m working.

I hope you understand that.

It’s not that I’m avoiding you guys or I don’t remember.

I can’t find the time now and I don’t have the permission.

If you are a friend, you’d understand me.

I do miss you guys.

And I might understand if you have your own plans and that you’re busy.

But I miss you guys.

OMG! currently, I don’t know what I have been doing lately. It’s been so depressing. It was only last night that I had a night without missing anyone and fretting about what I am suppose to do or killing myself for not being able to go out. It felt nice and I was happy. It’s not that I don’t want to miss you guys but I have to stop for a while.

I’m so PMS! I think I should shoot myself bang my head on the wall. I go lethargic just thinking about all this. Even when I come to work, I don’t have anyone to talk to. I do. But not much. I am stupid and lousy in my Mandarin. Gosh, I feel so annoyed about myself being so blardy emotional. It’s disgusting!

I just want to fall sick right now so I have a reason to feel lousy and quiet. Quietness makes me insane! I hate misunderstandings that happen in my daily life. It’s so freaking depressing and sucky. That’s what slowly drains me. I want to become me again. Badly.

How is it that you don’t understand that I can’t be kept in all the time. I hope you don’t make the wrong decision because I don’t want to be like those who go wild and all out once they are set free. At least let me learn from my mistakes. It wouldn’t hurt kill me. Don’t you believe that I can do it? Where did the trust go? And why is it that every time that you have to go through my things? I know you’re doing it cause you love me but where’s the privacy and respect? Cause everyone is equal. I hope one day you’ll see that this is important. I love you too.

Let me fly…